This Article explores the potential implications of Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission for corporate criminal liability and corporate procedural rights. By treating corporations as natural persons, Citizens United reinforces the legitimacy of criminal punishment for corporate misconduct. At the same time, it provides grounds for eliminating some of the harsher aspects of that punishment, such as strict liability and “death penalty” sanctions. Citizens United‘s treatment of corporations as natural persons may also call for expanding corporate Fourth and Fifth Amendment rights. Finally, this Article speculates how these changes in corporate law might modify criminal law and criminal procedure as it applies to humans.