Sexual indiscretions, misconduct, and deceits percolate throughout the extensive 2019 Report on The Investigation into Russian Interference in the 2016 Presidential Election —known as the Mueller Report. While Trump’s sexual behaviors are certainly not the focus of the Mueller Report, the report desexualized Trump’s conduct to such an extent that it obscured important matters meriting further exploration. This Article, Sexing the Mueller Report, aims to highlight and expand on the sexual issues raised by the report and contends that the sexual circumstances are not merely titillating distractions, but present important contexts regarding cooperation with foreign powers and obstruction of justice. This Article first discusses the Access Hollywood tape, on which Trump is heard discussing his sexual misconduct toward women, and which the Mueller Report considered briefly related to coordination with foreign actors during the campaign. The Article next discusses the allegations of a Moscow sex tape, which the Mueller Report considered in relation to obstruction of justice, but which might be relevant more broadly. Centrally, this Article examines Trump’s alleged consensual sexual relationships with two women, Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels, and explores how Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen, came to plead guilty to campaign finance violations involving the payments to both women. Finally, this Article situates the sexual matters raised in the Mueller Report in the possibility of impeachment proceedings, arguing that they are not as peripheral as presently presumed and should be considered as a matter of impeachment.